grief, hope and the holidays
I was scrolling through my Twitter feed this morning and saw a post from @kelsieswrites. I'm not sure why she showed up in my feed, but Kelsie Snow had posted a picture of her bright blue hospital-gloved hand holding her husband's hand as he lay in his bed. Her words: "Update: Still holding on. ❤️" I clicked on her website's link and began reading their story. He has battled ALS for the last three years; they have two young children. By all appearances, his battle seems to be reaching the end. I don’t know them but their story is heartbreaking .
Lately, I have been thinking and praying more than usual about those I know who have had a tough few years. During the holidays, I often wonder how those experiencing grief and loss feel when joy and hope are seemingly everywhere. When Christmas carols are blaring, the malls are bustling, and celebrations come one after the other. When social media feeds are full of the grandest of moments that remind others of the loss they may be feeling. This year, I have had a heavy heart for these situations:
The team member who is currently fighting cancer and recently lost his mom unexpectedly
The team member whose twenty-year-old daughter is fighting for her life over a rare stomach disorder.
The team member who lost his young wife this year just weeks after a cancer diagnosis. He has a young daughter.
A friend and colleague of over 20 years passed away this week. Many of us are grieving his loss.
A colleague and friend who recently lost his best friend of more than 30 years in a terrible accident
I know many that are going through difficult family transitions this year, and the grief is palpable
The mom who lost her twin babies a few months ago
Those who are lonely and wondering what the next year has in store for them
For some, Christmas isn't the most wonderful time of the year. Loss and grief are often highest during this time; for some, the holidays are actually the most dreaded time of the year.
During this season, we can demonstrate profound acts of love by being deliberate in thought, prayer, and kindness. As family, friends, and colleagues prepare for the end of the year, be intentional and let them know that you are thinking of them. Let them know that you see them right where they are and that their hardship or grief matters. One of these simple acts can get you started and perhaps it will be the best gift you give this Christmas:
Send an email, a text, or make a call
Schedule a few minutes with them to check-in
Show empathy, not pity. (Seek to understand and connect versus absorbing the sadness yourself or being a savior)
If you live close by, offer to meet them for coffee or a meal
Invite them to a Blue Christmas service (more on that below)
Let them know that you are FOR them
My favorite Christmas carol, O Holy Night reminds us why we celebrate Christmas: the stars are brightly shining. It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth. On Christmas we recall the greatest gift of all, Jesus. Because of Jesus, there will be a day where there will be no more tears, no more cancer, and no more grief. What started when Jesus was born will someday be complete! And that gives us a thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices In the meantime, may we live in a way that would be reflective of the last verse of this carol:
Truly He taught us to love one another
His law is love and His gospel is peace
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His name all oppression shall cease
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name
As we enter into the last three weeks of the year, the last two weeks until Christmas, I encourage us to be mindful of others and go about our days with a bit of extra grace, compassion, the thrill of hope, and the love of Christ.
More on Blue Christmas:
Blue Christmas was born in the 1990s. I had never heard of it until several years ago when our church started holding a Blue Christmas service. This service is designed to be contemplative and provide space for grieving, lament, comfort, and hope. Many churches have this service on the night of the Winter Solstice, December 21st, the year's longest night. You can do an internet search for "Blue Christmas service near me" or watch a Blue Christmas service online.
More on O Holy Night:
This Christmas carol was written by an atheist, Placide Cappeau and the composer, Adolphe Adams, was Jewish. The hymn has survived even after being banned and it contains quite an interesting history. Read more here My favorite rendition of this hymn was performed by Jewel.
